the office

Some of my friends from the UWO lab occasionally glance at this blog and it's time I offer them a bit more chemistry talk. If anyone else is interested, feel free to listen in :)

So…. this is my new office:

The lab is a bit different from Western: newer, cleaner, bigger, and not quite as crazy. Maybe a bit more mature - but I think that's just because there are post-docs here. The chemistry, though, is pretty much the same. Once you’ve done one Swern you’ve done them all. And benzyl bromide is no easier on the eyes in the southern hemisphere… I guess that was to be expected.

So I’ll start from the beginning: the ESKITIS Institute for Cell and Molecular Therapies is a new, and somewhat unusual, Griffith University research facility. We have just moved into a clean shiny building that houses a variety of scientists with one overall theme. It's fairly simple: we're all trying to find a cure for something, anything really. Ideally something important that’s just'a'been ichin’ for a good’ol curin!. This is a picture of the front of the building. There are not many windows. I’m pretty sure that the construction ran over budget and someone practical-minded was forced to decide to sacrifice a few windows to keep what's ‘inside’ as awesome as they could

One area of research that I had not seen before coming here is ‘isolation chemistry’. I now work with some very skilled isolation types. For many years they were heavily funded by AstraZeneca but have lately, and suddenly, they've been forced to become more 'academic minded'. Anyway, the 'Natural Products Development' team has assembled a massive ‘compound library’ with 500 000+ ‘potential drugs’ all of natural origin meticulously gathered from pretty much all of Australia’s plants and creatures (both on and off shore). These compounds are now sitting here ready and willing to be screened against ‘stuff’. (If you know what I’m talking about and you have a hot new therapeutic target - and buckets of money - come on down.) The compound library is housed in gigantic flashing units of robo-awesomeness that would look right at home if they were fitted onto the side of a space station. I was surprised to find out that we don’t actually know the structures of most of the molecules in the library. The idea is to first find the useful bioactivity – then go back and worry about the structure. Interesting eh? Here’s a pamphlet:

Incidentally, IY, the isolation people I work with are the same fine scientists who fished out all of those sweet compounds you have been busting your butt making for PB and ACIE! Professor Ron Quinn, the same gentleman you referenced a half-dozen times, is director of the entire institute, and is my boss's boss. ‘ESKITIS’, by the way, doesn’t stand for anything. Someone important just thought it would sound cool – like ADVIL, or VIAGRA.

The new building also houses ‘adult stem-cell research’ facilities. I know roughly as much about that as I do about ‘being out of debt’ but apparently the stem-cell-stuff paid for most of the new building – so it has to be some sort of big deal. We also have a big X-ray lab run by a very bright young German professor who takes many pretty pictures of very cold proteins and requires very large flat panel monitors on the office computers of his students.

Most of the ESKITIS building, however, is full of biologists who go about doing their biology things with the ‘enzymes’ and the ‘rats’ and the endless ‘acronyms’. Truthfully, I don’t have time to know or care. The biologists (or 'failed organic chemists' if you prefer) live downstairs and we don’t talk to them. Yet. (I’m told we should start.)

Upstairs are the organic chemistry labs. In stark contrast to what much of the main-stream-regular world thinks of ‘science’, synthetic organic chemists generally believe that we are very cool. Some would even say, and I'm sure I have, that we are like the ‘naval aviators’ of drug discovery - and our labs are the aircraft carriers. Big-bad-and dangerous (and sometimes full of water). I'm sure this whole place would be safer, simpler, and smell more pleasant without us but it would be utterly ineffective because - try all you want - you can't find a new drug without good’ol organic synthesis.

Chemists and the biologists are like surgeons and docs. Sure, the hospital needs both but only surgeons are trusted with sharp objects just like only chemists are trusted with flameable solvents and explosive reagents. Surely I must be starting to offend somebody - if it's you, chillax, let a guy have his fun.

What else can I tell you? First, just to make sure that I don’t mislead anyone. ESKITIS is NOT a pharmaceutical company. We are a bunch of independent scientists each doing our own thing under the same friendly banner of ‘drug discovery’. Certainly the Coster group is far from ‘real pharma’. Nor could we ever compete – or want to compete – with a professional med-chem facility. I suppose I work in an ‘academic med-chem group’ – with a big emphasis on ‘academic’. We do standard total synthesis here and grad students learn the mad skillzzz. We use the ‘med-chem’ label simply because with every synthetic target there is some evil disease to consider. I am not just making a 'cool compound’, I am making a ‘cool anti-pancreatic cancer compound’. There is a subtle difference - day to day there is no difference - but the overall mentality of trying to do ‘something worthwhile for the world’ even in academia is one I like. Of course, the chances of actually discovering a useful drug are about the same as winning the lottery - all we have done so far is made sure to buy a few tickets. Also, this med-chem angle forces me make an effort to read a bit about disease pathology and try to stay current with respect to pharmaceutical gaps that need fillin’ – and there are plenty. I suppose some people would argue that such reading takes time away from learning ‘named reactions’ :)

Now for some pictures. First, I never imagined that I would be able to do chemistry on such an awesome chair! I spend my days rolling back and forth between these two positions

These are my nearest neighbours: Coster grad students Sean (running a Swernilicious reaction) and Adam (a column).

Incidentally, IY (and some others) will be happy to hear that all of my chromatography is now performed in a hood. It’s not a problem now with the vast fume hood space and the awesome chair. Strange how things change – I actually found myself turning off the UV lamp after someone the other day and feeling frustrated with them for it. How messed up is that!
For those that have not seen one: here is a ‘fumehood’. It’s big, it’s very well equipped, and it’s all wonderfully mine to destroy!
One wall of the lab is floor to ceiling glass and looks out into the office space. I figure it was designed this way for a number of reasons: cool-looking, open, bright, the safety of visibilty to others when something explodes or starts to burn quickly, and finally 'public relations'. This entire building is designed to be perfect for a walk through by a politician and some media with a camera crew – they can look through the glass at the ‘busy young scientists working hard to save the world’. Now... these two machines I am very excited about. The twins! These are the Cadillac and Ferrari of rotary evaporators! Big spender Dr. Coster just bought seven or eight of these slick little beasts. I can not even begin to describe how wonderful life has become with these pretty ladies on the bench. They're bright and digital and very friendly, everything is quick, nothing bumps, and I have yet to see a solvent peak anywhere. I feel like I’m cheating when I use one of these sexy rotovaps. Work is just not supposed to be this easy. The thick black foam is insulation around the chilled-water lines that run through the entire building and condense pretty much every drop of ether or DCM. Sweeeet!!

Well, that’s about it for today. Generally speaking, the lab is great. I am happy to say that this whole 'down under' business is turning out to be a pretty good decision for life, marriage, work, and all the rest. Obviously, I will need a publication or two this year just to make sure. And as far as project specifics are concerned, I’m going to keep that to myself for now because I’m pretty close to a neat little total synthesis and there is an American group also in the game. We would like to be the first to the finish line - so I will avoid any chance of 'encouraging' the competition. That reminds me – I have to get back to work.

Let me leave you, if I may, with another picture of one of my new lab mates. This is young Sean O’Connor, a Dutch-Aussie who wants to be an Irishman, who we often keep locked in the ‘inorganics’ closet when we feel that he is becoming too irritating. On this particular day, we let him open the door and get some light while he worked. Cheers.

Ewey and Sarah

It is not difficult to stumble into fellow Canadians in Australia. There are many of us out and about exploring the world (or sneaking away to become teachers). Kate and I decided early that we would make no special effort to meet Canadians. We’re here to see some ‘new stuff’ and make some Aussie friends.

That being said, these two great-white-north’ers were a very VERY welcome treat!

Andrew Ewert (a too-long-ago teammate from Queen’s) and his girlfriend Sarah are doing some serious traveling and they managed to squeeze in a few days in our humble little pad.

They showed up with Ewey’s brother Ben in this ‘wicked’ little sleeper van that the three of them had been calling home for a few weeks as they drove from the bottom to the top of Australia's east coast.

They had seen plenty of beaches but we had to show them one more.

We also hit up the Australia Zoo made famous by the late Steve Irwin. To no one’s surprise, we saw some animals. These little guys in particular are 'zoo royalty':

And I got to sit in Steve Irwin’s famous truck. It was good just to sit down. Zoos, much like IKEA, are pretty much all about endless walking.

Also, by spooky coincidence, I was experiencing some poorly-timed lower-back issues in preparation for my volleyball trip to Adelaide and Ewey and Sarah both happen to be very good (acupuncture trained) physiotherapists. They handed out some courtesy therapy which was super helpful and, as you may have guessed from my previous post, I was able to play in Adelaide completely pain-free (if not heavy-anti-inflammatory-free :). Thank you both.

Our little appartment is quiet again. Ewey's brother Ben has flown home and the adventurous pair have moved on to explore mainland Asia. They are recording some of their own travels here. It was great to see’em. Our next much-anticipated visitor, in just a few weeks, will be Kate's dad!

The FIVB World Tour!

I have been smiling at the thought of ‘volleyball’ for as long as I can remember. The sport is hard-wired into my brain. It’s a childhood thing. By fortunate coincidence my wife loves the beach. Some of her best childhood memories are from Sauble Beach with her parents on holiday. I grew up watching my dad do astonishing things on a volleyball court. My best memories are of playing pepper with Ziggy on court during his time outs. I was a gym rat. And now I feel about volleyball the same way that many Canadians feel about hockey or Americans about baseball. I play because I am truly happy – in every sense of the word – when I am on the court. This is especially true in a game that can go either way. Success in those matches feels good - very good. I have played so many games that lately I am just as satisfied to see someone else enjoy that same feeling. Kate has begun to play a lot and I am thrilled to be starting to see it in her. Here she is hitting a Kevin Benn set one warm evening a few weeks ago - check out the 'straight arm' action.

Last week Kevin Benn and I traveled to Adelaide to represent Canada in the qualifying tournament of an FIVB World Tour event. We won a match and then lost a match. After that I watched thirty plus hours of world class volleyball over the course of the next four days. I have never had the abilities of most of these athletes but this was an opportunity to feel like one of them for a few days. It was an awesome experience. Most of the players in the main draw, including the team that beat us (from Latvia) will play in the Olympics this year.

Here's Kevin Benn on court right before the warmup for our first match.

Normally Canadian World Tour teams would be better (or at least a bit younger) than Kevin and I but Australia is a long way to travel and we turned out to be the only men’s team at the show. With support from some random Canadian fans, we proudly defeated a young team from Kazakhstan - I am serious – and had a whole night to enjoy that winning feeling before two young Latvians promptly wiped the smiles from our faces.

This is me having a swing against Latvia.

Beach volleyball at this level is very cruel and unforgiving. There is only so much money to go around. Last week $350 K was divided between the best 32 mens and 32 womens teams in the world. But there was far more talent than money to go around. I have known many tremendously skilled and dedicated Canadian athletes that have made extreme investments and have come and gone without ever seeing any of that money. The boys and girls on top do not want to share – who would?

There were 40 teams from 20+ countries in the men’s qualifier with us. Eight of them would get to fill the bottom spots in a 32 team main draw tournament. The rest would go home with nothing. Of the qualifier teams, Kevin and I were pretty much the least ‘invested’ (with one week of training together – and no plans to play any other events). It still hurt to lose. But my being too upset about losing would be an insult to some of the other teams that lost with me. After beating us – the Latvians qualified by knocking out an extremely talented team from Spain - a team that could have easily beaten us as well. And prior to having their dreams shattered that Spanish team had won a brilliant marathon match against a Japanese team that would have probably wiped the beach with us too. I don’t mean to sound overly self deprecating… Kevin and I are good players, but I am talking about teams that don’t have day jobs. The Spanish and Japanese teams had coaches, and sponsors, and had invested months upon months of grueling weight room and beach hours to prepare for last week – and they didn’t get to play in the real tournament either.

Incidentally, the Latvians lost their first two main draw matches and walked away with a measly thousand dollars, a few free meals and nights in a great hotel. This did not cover their trip and month long stay in Australia to train with their coach – the Latvian government paid for that.

To quote the wise drunken words of Bender himself: “…to succeed on the world stage in this sport you need three things: funding, coaching, and (lastly) tremendous natural athletic talent”. I would add ‘a spooky level of internal motivation’ to Kevin’s list, but that is definitely not enough by itself.

Here's one of my better pictures from the week: Julius Brink (Germany) hitting against Phil Dalhouser (USA) early in the main draw tournament. The cool think about this shot, if you're not in the 'know', is the height of Dalhouser's block. Todd Rogers, behind the block, is about to dig a line roll shot and win the point. This American team won the World Championships last year and are fair contenders for the gold in Bejing in a few months although I personally don't think they will even medal.

In Canada, many people feel that lack government funding for sport is a big problem. Some beach players, I think, don't even realize what 'good funding' would look like. Australia has fewer people than Canada and athlete development programs here, in all sports, are outstanding by comparison. For example: they have the ‘Australian Institute of Sport’ where the country’s best teenaged athletes (in every sport) live, train with great coaches, and go to a ‘jocks only’ high school together. That has to be a fun school - and sure it burns tax dollars, but it also effectively creates olympians.

Incidentally, last week a men's team from China played in the championship final for the first time in FIVB beach history! Hmmm, aren’t the Olympics in China this year? Coincidence? I think not. I predict that China will medal in beach volleyball in Bejing. This Chinese team was sick! I don’t know where they came from but they’re here now. One of the American boys told me that an enormous (in height and number) Chinese entourage has been training full time in California in recent years. They also had two women’s teams finish 5’th and 7’th. I wish I could afford to train in California full-time. If the Olympics were in Toronto, Ottawa would be taking good care many young beach players too. Just wait and watch how many medals we get in the winter games Vancouver in 2010. It’s not rocket science. It’s economics.

This is 'Team China' serving on centre court in their semi-final match.

I have few illusions left with regard to sport. It is a great way to stay out of trouble as a kid, to make friends, make some good memories, and learn some lessons about success and failure, work ethic and confidence – but it is a terrible way to make a living. My father finished playing professional volleyball after a decade in front of thousands of fans and then went to work for the rest of his life. The same is true of most of the world’s best athletes and certainly most Olympians. I’m sure I have said in the past that I was too distracted by school to ever succeed in beach volleyball. My academic colleagues in the chemistry lab would argue that beach volleyball was a distraction to chemistry and not vice versa. And they would be right, but I have always insisted on doing both and I will never regret the time I spent learning this game. I suppose I could have spent that time reading. But take it from a guy who loves reading, sport is a LOT more fun than reading. There's something to be said for a bit 'fun' in life. Plus, ask Kate if she would have found a ‘well read’ young man impressive when she was 21. Or for that matter, I suppose you could ask my mom the same question.

Let me finish with another big 'Thank You' to Big Bad Kevin Bender for generously agreeing to take this holiday trip to the back side of the world just to see a tiny bit of Australia and play two volleyball games. I won't soon forget it.

"Thanks mate." "No worries."

My impression of Australia is very positive for one main reason – Australians.

Brisbane is a city of the courtesy wave in traffic and the friendly nod of approval on the sidewalk - gestures of respect to complete strangers. Asking a stranger for a bit of help here is not ‘asking too much’. By far the most popular response to ‘thank you’ (or ‘sorry’) is ‘No worries mate’. Another one I hear often is: ‘Too easy.’

I really like this attitude from people – a bit of ‘small town’ in the city. It reminds me of my dad. He has always understood how to be respectful to strangers. Not over-the-top polite, just sincerely courteous. I don’t know how he became that way. When I was maybe 12, he once picked up a scary looking hitchhiker with me and my two younger brothers in the back seat of the Taurus and gave him a ride across Kitchener. The guy had a black leather jacket, long hair, basically he was Antonio Banderas from Desperado. But he turned out to be very polite – a little surprised I think. I don't know why my dad suddenly decided to offer this guy a ride - it never happened again. Maybe it was just his small town childhood coming through. Maybe he thought it would teach his sons an important lesson. Maybe he was overcome by a sudden need to confirm that Canada was full of good people just like where he grew up. Or maybe he could just somehow tell that this guy would be harmless - that he'd be alright.

In Brisbane, if they don’t know you, most Aussies assume you’re alright, until you manage to show them otherwise. I am still a bit surprised every time it happens. Almost everyone is just plain respectful. I think mainly I'm talking about working class men and women. But that seems to be everyone. Aussies generally don't like to flash their wealth even if they have it. The elite get ridiculed. The politicians get tortured here. But the average bloke on the street - he's alright.

Nobody Eats Koalas

I have been told Koala meat tastes terrible - like eucalyptus oil. Another one of nature’s late stage defense mechanisms for when ‘looking cute’ just doesn’t do the trick. I haven’t had too much time to write on here lately. Don’t have much today either. Here are some pics. Last weekend we taught some new friends a game that some of you will quickly recognize. This is me losing.

Pretty girl on empty train. Washed up Jello!
A windy day on Straddie island.
Kate and Lib in enjoying the weather on a Sunday morning.
Cheers. I'll try to write something more interesting shortly :)

they say it gets hot in Australia

Months before I came here I was informed by friends with experience that Australian summer heat was impossible to explain - beyond words. One of the first Aussies I met told me about the upcoming summer: ‘if you leave the bread out it can melt frozen butter on contact’ and ‘shampoo comes out of the bottle hot’.

But people do live here right? Twenty million Aussies do handle it don’t they? That is a standard thought process for me. The same thing works for sprint training with a soccer team. If everyone else can do it – Kate and I can certainly suck it up. So how is the heat? Well I drink a lot water, I put sunscreen on my face in the morning, and I spend my working day and my sleeping hours under the magical spell of air conditioning. Shade is precious here, as is a breeze (we lucked out with a nice indoor breeze when all our windows are open). Plus this has been a very cool and wet summer compared to most. I will write another post about the ridiculous rain and flooding real soon.

Still the hot days are hotter than I’ve ever known. Every Australian respects the danger. It is hard for a Canuck to comprehend how easily and quickly a healthy, fit person can die of dehydration. No Aussie would ever leave a broken down car to walk for help outside of a city – it would be considered suicidal. A one or two hour walk without one or two liters of water would be stupid here. Generally speaking: if I am outside then I am sweating. Having a washing machine at home is great.

Where in Canada could I possibly die of thirst? If my car breaks down somewhere remote and I don’t freeze or starve to death I am more likely to die of ‘loneliness’ than I am of thirst. Here… only fresh water matters to survival. Every other consideration is a distant second.

We have snakes, spiders, ants, sharks, rip tides, and now deadly heat. You might ask: how do parents keep children safe in a country like this? The answer might surprise you. The secret to keeping a child safe is ‘not to be too safe’. An effective strategy seems to be to purchase good medical insurance and then to break a few bones, get bitten by ants, get hot and thirsty, and swallow some salt water... before you turn ten. Children here are far less sheltered than back home. Four year olds surf and fall and play on sharp rocks. This might be sound frightening to many of us - I can’t imagine Sandy even continuing to read this :) - but Australia IS a dangerous place and ‘mild supervised danger’ is an effective strategy for raising competent ‘safe’ adults. Knowledge and experience works. What doesn’t kill you…. you know the rest.

We met a New Yorker who said that his home beaches are ‘immediately closed’ whenever there is a hint of a rip tide or large swell. Teenaged lifeguards (that have never seen a big wave) enforce these closures by yelling at adults twice their age through megaphones. Even a quick shallow swim is not permitted. I can be arrested or fined even if I am certain of my own safety because the decision is not mine to make. In contrast, Aussies are expected to recognize danger on their own. Adults are not treated like children here. Only VERY dangerous conditions will close a beach – and it's only really necessary for the safety of naive tourists. There are no fines for ignoring 'NO SWIMMING' signs. But Aussie lifeguards are not required to risk their own lives to save someone who does. I can ask any Australian about how to be safe and I get reasonable answers: don’t surf alone, don’t surf at night, or ‘not today mate’. But a comfortable little ‘rip’ or a few six foot waves are not frightening… they are perfect conditions for teaching your child how to surf or swim.

Every one of us wants our children to be as safe as possible... but in Australia 'sheltered' is considered 'unsafe'.

Tinson versus Mako: an Australian story

I took a sick day last week (some sort of flu) and watched some daytime television. On a show called ‘Sunrise’ I saw a live interview with a young fisherman immobilized in a hospital bed with his right leg wrapped in thick bandages. Twenty-four hours earlier this same fisherman, Jarryd Tinson, a twenty year old from form Sydney, was aboard a tuna fishing boat a hundred miles off the Gold Coast when he pulled a two hundred pound three-meter mako shark out of the ocean and onto their deck. He then proceeded to approach the motionless shark with the intention of gutting it. And then, in a move that strongly reinforced my own decision not to become a professional tuna fisherman, Jarryd accidentally stepped on shark’s tail. The mako whipped around and snapped a pair of jaws shut on Jarryd’s upper-calf. Two fellow fishermen wrestled and pried open the shark’s jaws to free Jarryd’s leg. He would keep the leg, but not without over a hundred stitches and probably an awesome scar.

I will try to run you through what I remember of the live interview (with the middle-aged, male, 'Sunrise' host sitting in the studio speaking to Jarryd via satelite). I really liked Jarryd. The kid wasa little bit shy and embarrassed to in a hospital bed but he was refreshingly honest, and humble, without a hint of self-promotion or exaggeration. He looked and sounded a bit like survivor’s Boston-Rob. Most surprisingly, he was courteous, friendly, and happy - rare qualities in someone so ‘recently bitten’ or in any 'tough man' for that matter.

"How are you feeling Jarryd?"
"Fine mate, fine." [awkward silence, Jarryd felt he had answered the question]
"You went through quite an ordeal, are you in any pain now?"
"The doctors fixed me well. They're great and the nurses are great. I feel okay. And they took care of the pain - if you get my meaning."
"I understand what you mean completely. I want to ask you what was going through your head when the shark had your leg?!"
"Well, to be honest with you mate. I was thinking about the next trip. The money has been great lately and I thought - 'I'm probably gonna have to miss the next trip'."
"Now that you have time to look back at the whole incident - do you feel lucky to be
alive?"
"I'm lucky the shark didn't spin, he would have taken most of my leg with him. But my mates were able to keep him from spinning."
"What exactly did your mates do?"
"They jumped on his nose and wressled him still and the skipper pried open his bottom jaw from the inside until I could pull myself out. I think most of the damage to my leg happened when I pulled it out."
"Wow. I'm not sure I understand you... are you saying one of your skipper reached into the shark's mouth with his own arm."
"No mate, no!... haha! He cut a hole through his bottom jaw and reached inside through that." [This statement was delivered so 'matter of factly' I got the feeling the young man believed that any one of us would obviously be expected to know to do the same thing that his captain had done.]
"I suppose you owe your mates a few beers then don't you?"
"What's that??" [Jarryd touched his headphone with his finger]
"I said…. [louder] you owe your mates some beer!!"
"The way I see it, they owe me a beer for getting them on the 'tely' yesterday."
"Ha ha… How do you feel about getting back on the fishing boat?"
[Jarryd misunderstood this question… it did not even remotely occur to him that the interviewer might be suggesting a career change]
"Ahhh... it should be about two weeks. Hopefully not longer. If I can't walk yet, I hope they let me go out and do something useful sitting down."
[the interview contined with similar stuff for a while before Jarryd finished with sincere gratitude to the morning show:]
"Thank you very much for letting me be on your show mate!"

How awesome is this kid? I’m going to write a post soon about what it means to be ‘Australian’ and ‘un-Australian' - two terms that get tossed about very freely around here. But suffice it to say for now - Jarryd is as Australian as they get.

As is his captain - Skipper Adam Whan. Here are some direct quotes from Captain Whan himself that I borrowed form a newspaper.

"I just heard a yell" "The shark had a hold of the right knee region," "I cut a hole near the chin. We reached in and prised its jaws open. Luckily I was on the back side. "I didn't have my hands near the snapping point. “"It (the attack) was definitely very much of a shock.” "It was obviously very painful. He (Tinson) was fine once I gave him some painkillers."

How do you define a ‘dangerous job’? Maybe it is best defined as any job in which your boss has the sort of painkillers (in his first-aid kit) that can make a massive shark bite feel ‘fine’. Captain Whan bandaged up the wound, called in a helicopter, and Jarryd was winched away from his fishing boat in 3-5 meter swells. The helicopter paramedic was also quoted in the article:

"If the shark had've flipped about, or even moved a little bit more, then it really would have opened up the back of his calf," "What happened was they brought the shark on board and unfortunately the shark still had a bit of kick left in it ..." "It basically opened him up to the bone." "If it had have been a couple of millimetres either way, and a little bit more of a voracious bite, it would've been a real mercy dash to stop him from bleeding out,"

And finally – some glory-hogging spokesman for the rescue helicopter people was quoted saying this:

"There are a few hands on the deck and they could not release the shark from the leg at all until they had cut the shark's head off," "It was locked on. The bite has gone down to the bone. I've seen a photo of the wound and it's pretty messy."

I’m pretty sure this man simply lied. The shark’s head was not cut off. It’s bottom jaw was cut and pried open – maybe removed entirely - but a jaw is not a head. Nonetheless – dozens of newspapers around entire world subsequently proceeded to publish this story with the words ‘Shark’s head cut off to free man’ in the title. (maybe you saw it) Hey… if it sells newspapers, fudge away! No harm done... I guess.

After watching the interview with Jarryd I found myself hoping that there were a lot more people in the world like him. In spite of his depressing injury and vulnerable state he came off as a courteous and respectful hard-working young 'bloke’. He blamed only himself and was gracious even just to receive public attention. I have the impression that Australia is full of blue-collar working men who are truly good people. And these men are widely admired here. In contrast, back home Canadians respect the rich and the famous while hard-working honest types do not feel that they have much to be proud of. Australia is different, perhaps a bit 'behind the times', in terms of its public opinion of who should be admired. I like it. The 'Sunrise' people put a camera in this young fisherman's hospital room and introduced him to the country. They knew that the quality of his character would be immediately obvious. Jarryd was grounded, humble and even well spoken. He was hardly Shakespeare but he spoke thoughtfully and concicely and he had no trouble even creating some subtle humour. And that is very special coming from a man wrapped in bandages. You often see it coming from heroes in movies but have you ever heard it in real life? The kid was pure Australian (by character as well as birth). I’m very glad the mako didn’t bite him any harder.

a tool on a push-bike

I cycle to work. This morning I rode past a woman with two beautiful large dogs in Eikibin park. They were well behaved and off their leashes – and rightfully so, it was a big park. One of the dogs – ‘Rusty’ – was on the bike path and in my way. Another cyclist was coming from the opposite direction and Rusty was also in his way. The woman, about ten feet from the path, had stopped, held the second dog, and was calling for Rusty. I slowed down smiled at the happy dog as I carefully went by him – he was awesome. He was sniffing something in the grass – more important than his owner - and his wagging tail was taking up about half of my path.

Then I looked up and saw the second cyclist. He was a middle aged man, twig-skinny, and wearing only ridiculous neon spandex. And he was furious. He rang a loud bell several times at the dog and snarled at the lady “Come on woman!!” as he went by.

I wanted to stop and shout back “Settle down there Armstrong!”. If he looked back I could add “You’re a tool!”. At ten years younger and ten inches taller I am pretty safe telling ‘Lance’ what I think of him. I would avoid swearing because that would only help Lance’s case. All he could do about my insult is ride away - even more angry. I would have also loved to stop and talk to the lady. I would pet ‘Rusty’ and say something witty like “What a beautiful dog. Don’t give that old fart a second thought. He’s control-obsessed. His wife probably left him for a happier man, his kids don’t call, and all that he has left to live for is fat free yogurt, the office, and the pride of getting to the office early without contributing to carbon emissions.”

Also, is Lance not in the exact same demographic that also sits in little Mazda Miatas and gets furious with cyclists on the road? Why all this anger in middle-aged men? It appears to me that both wealthy men and poor men are generally much happier than the ‘almost-made-its’ with perhaps some uncertainty-of-purpose in life. Livin' might not be easy but to rage on innocent people? Really? And I am not against all anger - some situations certainly do call for it. For example, I do not feel that Lance would benefit from a big hug and some sympathy. Hugs are for people with low self-esteem living always on the edge of fierce defensiveness. That is not lance. Lance is all about pre-emptive offense and he has confidence to spare. A better solution to Lance would be public disrespect – an anti-Lance attitude from the rest of us. Maybe even some ridicule. People like Lance give all cyclists a bad name. Kate walks to work and generally hates cyclists because she has been yelled at and almost run over a few times in recent months.

I can offer a simple list of rules for effective cycling: 1. Be reasonable and polite. There, that covers it.

When you approach a pedestrian from behind ring a bell early and if your path is cleared slow down anyway and say ‘thank you’ or ‘cheers’ as you go by – how difficult is that? If your path is still blocked - relax, slow down, say 'excuse me mate' - perhaps someone is tuned out and thinking about better days, perhaps a few people having a good conversation. No walker gets any benefit or joy from slowing you down. Why, why, why the rage? In some parts of Europe all cyclists stay on the road – and all cars are polite to them. In these countries cars will gladly slow down to bicycle-speed for minutes to avoid risking any injury. Here too many drivers are impatient. I love to jump on the road when there is room but when I feel like I am impeding traffic I use the sidewalk – it’s the most sensible attitude I can think of - but I always show respect to people on foot. In Brisbane we also have some awesome ‘bike paths’. Some are 'shared' with walkers and some are for just bikes but people like Lance are ruthless in their treatment of all of these as ‘bike-only highways’. They have no problem verbally abusing pedestrians, or dogs, as they fly by. I’m disgusted – I hate being in any way associated with these tools. Sometimes, if a walking path is crowded, I love walking on an adjacent bike path and fueling their rage.

And if you are reading this – Lance - please make an effort to settle down. Sleep in tomorrow, put your feet up right now, eat more ice cream and bacon, call your mom, purchase looser less-reflective clothing. Buy your wife or daughter some flowers. Borrow some sugar form next-door and sprinkle it on your multi-grain cereal. And just for today, forget about the stock market and read the comics again. And bike slower or find a race track.

Sadly - I said nothing to Lance this morning. And I’m sorry to say I also did not stop and talk to the lady. But I did intervene in a similar situation some weeks ago and I am becoming ever more likely to do so again. Actually – if I see the same woman with ‘Rusty’ tomorrow – I’ll stop and tell her how I feel. Better late than never.

why the writers are on strike

Dear Lord, the Gods have been good to me. As an offering, I present these milk and cookies. If you wish me to eat them instead, please give me no sign whatsoever... Thy will be done.

Today I will try to remind you of some of the best lines ever written for television - and I'll start with Homer Simpson:

The problem in the world today is communication - too much communication!

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in eight hours of TV a day.

I am so smart! S-M-R-T!

I'm like that guy who single-handedly built the rocket & flew to the moon. What was his name? Apollo Creed?

I've gone back in time to when dinosaurs weren't just confined to zoos.

- Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins.
- Homer Simpson, smiling politely.

God bless those pagans.

- Homer, we're going to ask you a few simple yes or no questions. Do you understand?
- Yes.

And that's when Scully’s lie detector blows up. And I nearly fell over the first time I saw that!

Finally, a way to combine my love of helping people with my love of hurting people.
(Homer's take on on starting a security company.)

Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!

Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.

Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.

Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that alligator biting that woman's bottom? That's right - we all thought it was hilarious. But it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harassing that woman.

Marge, there's an empty spot I've always had inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community service, but those were dead ends! I think this chair is the answer.

But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder.

- I have a great way to solve our money woes. You rent your womb to a rich childless couple. If you agree, signify by getting indignant.
- Are you crazy? I'm not going to be a surrogate mother.
- C'mon, Marge, we're a team. It's uter-US, not uter-YOU.

- Look everyone! Now that I'm a teacher I've sewn patches on my elbows.
- Homer that's supposed to be leather patches on a tweed jacket, not the other way around. You've ruined a perfectly good jacket.
- Incorrect, Marge. Two perfectly good jackets!

- Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday.
- Woo-hoo. Four-day weekend.

- Dad, don't you think you're overreacting?
- Don't you think you're ‘under-reacting’?
- This conversation is over.
- This conversation is ‘under’.

- Do we have any food that wasn't brutally slaughtered?
- Well, I think the veal died of loneliness.

Bart - I smell a museum.
Homer - Yeah, good things don't end with 'eum,' they end with 'mania' or 'teria.'

Homer - Hey boy! Wanna play catch?
Bart - No thanks dad.
Homer - When a son doesn't want to play catch with his father something is definitely wrong.
Grandpa Simpson - I'll play catch with you!
Homer - Go home.

I’m a public servant so I’m not permitted to use my own judgement in any way.

- Put out an APB on a Uosdwis R. Dewoh. Uh, better start with Greektown.
- That's "Homer J. Simpson", Chief. You're reading it upside down.
- Cancel that APB. But, uh, bring back some of them gyros.
- Uh, Chief? You're talking into your wallet.

I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn!

Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the ... uh ... what cures cancer?

Marge - [on radio] Husband on murderous rampage. Send help. Over.
Wiggum - Whew, thank God that's over. I was worried for a little bit.

When i grow up, I want to be a principal or a caterpillar.

Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers.

I stand by my racial slur.

Attempted murder, now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry?

Lawyer - Well, what about that tatoo on your chest? Doesn't it say Die, Bart, Die?
Sideshow Bob - No, that's German for 'The Bart, The."
Parole Judge - No one who speaks German can be an evil man! Parole Granted!

Dozens of people are gunned down each day, but until now, none of them was important. At three pm Friday, local autocrat C. Montgomery Burns was shot following a tense confrontation at the town hall. He was taken to a hospital where he was pronounced dead. He was then taken to a better hospital where his condition was upgraded to ‘alive’.

- Quick Smithers. Bring the mind eraser device!
- You mean the revolver, sir?
- Precisely.

I'll keep it short and sweet - family, Religion, friendship, these are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.

- Hello, my name is Barney Gumble, and I'm an alcoholic.
- Mr Gumble, this is a girl scouts meeting.
- Is it? Or is it you girls can't admit that you have a problem?

Hi. I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self help tapes as 'Smoke yourself thin' and 'Get some confidence, Stupid!'

Hi. I'm Troy McClure, you might remember me from such public service videos as 'Designated Drivers, the Lifesaving Nerds' and 'Phony Tornado Alarms Reduce Readiness.'

Don't kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he'd eat you and everyone you care about!

- My new movie is me, standing in front of a brick wall for 90 minutes. It cost 80 million dollars to make.
- How do you sleep at night?
- On top of a pile of money, with many beautiful women

Any half-assed musician can play a cover tune just like any blogger can get a laugh using Simpson's lines. The real talent lies in original thought – certainly in entertainment - everybody else should be working for the writers. Who is responsible for making a Simpson’s DVD worth buying? Cartoonists and voice people are talented but - if I’m not mistaken - they just do what they’re told. Do they not?

Creativity is also pretty useful in scientific research and on the soccer field but is far less important a golf course, or in during brain surgery. Originality is great in an entrepreneur but is usually not an admired quality in a business accountant - except maybe in a tax attorney. But in television - I believe good writers should be rich!

And now the writers are on strike – and good for them. Television has been awesome in recent years and it’s not just because Kiefer Sutherland is a good actor or Evangeline Lily is hot. Why did ‘Heroes’ work without a single well-know actor? Because it had a sick plotline.

But television studios love the strike – no overhead expenses and plenty of DVD’s to sell us so we can all ‘catch up’. If I was to stop buying series on DVD and switch to computer games or books or even ‘outdoor activities’ - I bet it would be a very short strike.

huperzine A

"Jake, a chiropractor can fix eighty percent of back pain after six to eight months of regular treatment and eighty percent of back injuries heal themselves in six to eight months. You might as well take that thirty-five dollars, burn it, and rub the ashes on your back!”
- Scott Millington (medical student, a few years ago)

I have spent a few days buried neck-deep in a stack of papers lurnin’bout Alzheimer’s disease. I can’t tell you why this has been the case but I can easily share a story with you which I hope you will appreciate - the story of huperzine A.

This story has a little bit to do with Chinese folk medicine. Many of us really, really want to believe that ‘alternative medicines’ work but those damned doctors and scientists keep telling us that if they worked there would be no need to call them ‘alternative’.

Here's the problem: sick people are not ‘ordinary customers’ they are ‘patients’. They are vulnerable - and they are paying for a complex biological activity that they do not clearly understand. The only purchase guarantee they usually have is the word of their 'doctor'. Cheating a sick person is different from cheating any other type of consumer – it is unusually cruel and pathetic. It is one of the lowest forms of evil. And yet it is done all around us – every day. Rarely do homeopaths agree to submit their miracle pills and herbs to simple, double-blind, placebo-controlled, myth-busting clinical trials. That is where magical herbs die and only drugs remain.

Dementia is scary – the progressive decline of cognitive function. It is the loss of memory, concentration, functional abilities – sanity. Contrary to age-old wisdom dementia is not a ‘normal’ part of aging. Not even close. Most of us will die quick witted with a mind full of vivid memories. About ten percent of us will get dementia assuming we live long enough to do so. Seventy percent of dementias are caused by Alzheimer’s disease, the rest by Parkinson’s, Huntington’s, Vascular dementia, Alcohol and a few others. None are caused by ‘nothing’.

Until a few decades ago we knew ‘nothing’ about the inner workings of Alzheimer’s disease. Basically neurons died and brains got smaller. That’s not rocket science. Also - brain tissue under a microscope showed visible ‘plaques’ and ‘filaments’ but that didn’t help much either. Today things are a little different. Scientists really know their diseases. Biologists love big words – huge, ridiculous words. Watch:

Neuropathologicaly, Alzheimer’s disease is characterized by the presence of extracellular neuritic plaques composed of β-amyloid peptide and intracellular neurofibrillary tangles composed of abnormally phosphorylated tau protein. Neurochemically, this is accompanied by a deficit in cholinergic neurotransmission, particularly in the basal forebrain.

Yeah – thanks. And did you say 'tau' protein? Why does that protein get such a 'small word'? We now know a lot about Alzheimer's disease and the genetic and biochemical mechanisms that cause it. We are learning more about them every day. But the sad reality is this: thousands of scientists with billions of dollars, millions of mice, many different mazes, and lots of big words have been highly mobilized and motivated for decades and yet the truth remains essentially the same - we still can’t do anything about the plaques and the filaments. There is no cure or method of prevention of Alzheimer’s.

But we are not completely empty handed. We have understanding - we have progress – and we have a few somewhat-useful drugs! Actually there are four drugs. And they are all ‘symptomatic’ which means they are helpless against the ‘plaques’ and the ‘filaments’ and can’t change the course of the disease but they can make what is left of your brain work better. The four pills are: tacrine, donepezil, rivastigmine, and galanthamine. They are all proven to help AD patients remember things and ‘think gooder’. These are, to my knowledge, the only ‘officially proven’ hope for a sick person. But there are some issues. Tacrine was first (approved in 1993) and it causes serious liver damage so your doctor would have to be demented himself to prescribe it to you today. The others are newer and better. They are easy on the liver and only cause moderate combinations of nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, constipation, headache, dizziness, and sleep disturbance.

Here’s how they work. Acetylcholine is a fancy name for a handy little neurotransmitter. Acetylcholinesterase is an enzyme that naturally degrades acetylcholine. These four drugs inhibit this enzyme leaving more acetylcholine for you to ‘think’ with. It’s fairly simple.

Actually it was fairly simple – until the biochemical supernerds started to dig a little deeper. I just spent a week buried in some heavy, heavy journals and I like what I leaned enough that I have decided to share.

It turns out that some ‘acetylcholinesterase inhibitors’ now appear to be doing some 'other good stuff' that the patient didn't pay for. Some bonus activity for your dollar – much like an unexpected free upgrade to the first-class cabin on an overnight flight. This blog is no place for the details but essentially the underlying processes of Alzheimer’s are complicated and interconnected and some of these drugs – somehow – help with the ‘plaques’ and maybe even the ‘fillaments’. These are the first examples of actual 'changes' in the course of the disease. The amount of supporting literature filling up journals in the past five years is insane (no pun intended). Last year alone had multiple massive reviews summarizing hundreds of recent studies about how ‘old drugs’ are doing ‘new things’ that we didn’t know about until now. It’s pretty cool to read (if you like big words). Seems there are a lot of mice finding a lot of cheese at the end of the maze all over the world these days. Alzheimer’s research is a pretty hot place to be right now. Anyway – the drugs don’t ‘cure’ Alzheimers but for the first time ever they can at least potentially ‘in principle’ cure it! So the race is on to find new – better - cholinesterase inhibitors that do 'extra stuff' and come closer to actually ‘curing’ this beast.

Now to the title compound – ‘huperzine A’. This is an anti-Alzheimer’s drug already approved in China and in American phase II clinical trials right now. It is definitely not a cure - but it is probably as good, if not better than current drugs. And it has an interesting history.

The compound comes from a Chinese herb called huperzia serrata – a ‘club moss’ (whatever the heck that means). The herb is an ancient Chinese folk medicine called “Qian Ceng Ta” that has been used for centuries to treat lots of stuff including swelling, fever, blood disorders and - you guessed it - various forms of insanity and dementia. For many years now, the herb has been officially sold as a diatery supplement with claims that it treats memory loss and mental impairment.

In 1986 huperzine A was isolated from the huperzia serrata, characterized, and shown by Chinese scientists to improve memory and learning in mice (or rats or guinea pigs or cats – I don’t know). This was soon confirmed by tests in the US and Switzerland – presumably because some people didn't trust Chinese mice. In 1989 some frustrated-overworked-underpaid graduate student of organic chemistry at the University of Pittsburg, Pennsylvania, synthesized huperzine A for the first time in his fume hood (or perhaps on his bench). This probably made his mean boss very happy and proud. After 1989 the ball was rolling. It rolled fast in China and a little slower in the rest of the world - but it rolled. There are now more than 500 academic publications detailing various syntheses of huperzine A, preparation of analogues, and biological testing on assays, cell cultures, mice, mokeys, and finally 'forgetful people'. The compound is becoming 'kind of a big deal'. There are now more than 80 international patents related to huperazine A – and 20 of them were filed last year. It was officially approved in 'pill form' in China a few years ago but, like I said, it has been taken in 'herb form' there for many years. US clinical trials are in the works. Some doctors in the US 'prescribe' it already because it is available on the shelves in their local China Town. Worldwide marketing rights are owned by ‘Marco Hi-Tech Joint Venture’ which is a global trading and finance firm formed to import huperazine A from China.

Huperzine A is not a cure for Alzheimers – it is just a treatment. It is a cholinesterase inhibitor like the rest. It has lately been demonstrated by some researchers to also do some other ‘extra good stuff'. And it does have the same nausea, diarrhea, etc. side-effects as all of the other cholinesterase inhibitors – although it sounds like they are less severe than the others.

I'm trying to make an important point – when 'alternative medicine' does work it is no longer called that - it graduates from 'alternative' school and receives the title of drug! I told you this whole story because I believe it proves that the global (or 'first world' or 'western' or whatever) medical community is more than happy to accept ‘chinese folk medicine’ if it actually works. And it is easy to prove that something works. Pharmaceutical companies are not retarded – most ‘folk medicines’ have been tested and re-tested and they continue to be 'alternative'. I believe there are very few effective unproven medicines left and if you are buying any I hope they are not expensive because you are probably being cheated - unless you consider the 'placebo effect' to be effective - which is fair I suppose. But believing you are better or even 'feeling' better is not the same as 'being' better. It might be interesting and even humorous to observe what happens when a doctor gives a patient a 'sugar pill' instead of a 'cold medicine' but it is neither interesting nor funny to play that game with a cancer, or with high blood pressure. Nor obesity for that matter - everywhere I look I see shameless theaft form vulnerable fat people.

And just to be clear - this argument does not apply to 'medicine men' in poor countries where people have no available alternatives to herbal medicine. I also support anyone offering exercise or diet expertise to people who are not ill. Yoga and vegetables and not-smoking are obviously healthy. The 'cheaters' I refer to are homeopaths and other shameless liars who use tricks and gimmicks to sell magnetic bracelets, mysterious supplements, or magical diet pills to Canadians or Australians who are either too vulnerable or too gullible to say no. If that sounds harsh - good.

That being said - most rules have rare exceptions and huperzine A appears to have been an example of such a case. Right up until very recently it was indeed an 'effective alternative medicine'. We know that because it is now a drug. Or almost a drug (if you tend to wait for the FDA). I suppose that this 'exception' was great news for the the many forgetful old Chinese people that have taken huperzine for years.

And as you might have gathered based on the quote form Scotty - I have visited a few chiropractors in my day. Especially when the volleyball was in full swing. I do believe they helped me... well... maybe. That's a tough one to call - pain sucks - even a little bit relief might be worth thirty-five dollars to me. They do have a 'college' after all - and some of them even use 'ultrasound' and act like sensible physiotherapists. I personally draw the line at not-letting a chiropractor anywhere near my neck!

Thanks for listening.